I've been spending some amount of time in front of my screen and trying to explain to myself what a friend is which I’ve argued many times with my little demon strange candy. But first of all I must beg your mercy to forgive the Inconvenience that from my poor English. Well. In a way, that’s one of the points why I put this bullshit in English.

Well, in my understanding, Friendship is the bigger statement. Lots of people are lovers but aren't friends. Lots of people are relatives and aren't friends. Lots of people work together who aren't friends. You can appreciate or admire someone, but that doesn't make them a friend.

We're relatively casual about the word, but sometimes things happen that take the casualness out of it. When I had my trouble experience last year and the following long recuperation, I had a lot of time to think about what makes someone a friend. If they are scared of you when you need help, sorry, that's not friendship. If their attitude is "for better or worse," if they stick by you through thick and thin, that's when you can tell it's friendship. I do have some friends, but not as many as I thought.

My mother used to say no matter what your family is there for you when you need them. I used to have such a sentence to my friends also. But pity it doesn’t work sometimes and make me feels sad.

Most people use the term Friend far too casually. But if they had reason to pause, to think if so and so is really a friend, they would realize they either don't know (the relationship hasn't been tested), or they are not.

I do have some friends who always give me their hands when I was in trouble. But as time passing by they are all over the world now and I am still suffering in a hopeless land doing my hopeless day dream without any resistance but somehow Moans without being ill.

Friendship is not about always being nice, or agreeable, far from it. A friend will tell you when he or she thinks you're full of shit, but always casts it that way, never as a statement of fact. It's a fine but important distinction. If I say "you're full of shit" to a friend, it must be understood that this is my opinion only. Further, it's more likely that he or she is not the one who's so full; it's more likely that I am. That's why I cringe when someone, in the name of friendship, says this to me. Usually they're wrong, but there's no point arguing, they're in some kind of trance, pedaling hard to avoid looking at something they desperately want to avoid. Too many friends try to grab the wheel, and that always ends in an accident."

Alright, alright, seems I’ve been taking a long time to speak bullshit to everyone who come here and try to guess why I come to this space again. But is this essay disappointed you?

如果你能坚持看到这里，那你可以看看舒服的中文了。 好久没打这么多字，也没有费过这么多脑汁了。 写点东西对我来讲， 已经变得越来越困难。 在很多人眼里， 我是个不思进取，脑子里只有钱甚至有点偏执狂，整天做白日梦的年轮转了2转的男人。 

无所谓了，今天对着镜子照自己的时候，已经不再是自己了。 算了。这能有什么呢。

今天小晴隔了263天又15个小时（我们经过25分钟的苦苦思考得出的相对比较接近的时间）和我SAY HI 。 异常感动。 欣然答应她会去看她（其实自己知道这全是狗屁）

小妹说哥哥你越来越难看了。 我说大家都知道只是你会直接告诉我。而且我也从来没好看过啊。

今天又熬夜了。 最近实在憋不出什么东西。 既然你看到这了 。算了 还是不说了